Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
