That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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