is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
