I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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