I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
