Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
