how can u be prego again
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
