Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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