Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
