How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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