Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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