I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
