Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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