Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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