Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
