So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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