just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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