I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
