How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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