Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
