thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
