sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
