WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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