Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
