He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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