these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
