So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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