well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
