I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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