Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
