Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
