would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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