I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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