I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
