I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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