Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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