Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
