all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
