we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
