just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
