I got her a Nickelback box set.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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