mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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