i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
