Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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