This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
false alarm, still single
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
