The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
