i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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