her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
