Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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