everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
