So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
