Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
